Chicago’s Finest
(Just outside City Hall, the Loop, taken last weekend on my way to the library.)
Chicago police officers no longer have to worry about whether they should eat that third donut, as the city no longer requires them to walk. Striking fear in the hearts of criminals everywhere, who needs Batman when you’ve got overweight cops on Segways patrolling your streets?
Apparently, the CPD has spent half a million dollars on these glorified scooters, claiming that they help officers “project a more prominent presence.” Right. Segway even built a ‘police model’ for law enforcement agencies that “allow an officer to cover a much greater distance than on foot.”
And I thought these things could go 25 mph or so, but apparently it’s only 12.5…in ideal conditions. Can’t your average male run about that fast? And even if these Scooter Cops catch up to a fleeing suspect, what do they do then? Leap from the Segway and tackle them? Run them over? Park it, dismount, and then continue chasing the old fashioned way while some hipster steals it?
In case you need proof that cops and small, motorized vehicles do not mix well.
While we’re on the subject, did you know that the first bicycle police were formed in 1896? Or that the Swiss Army maintained a bicycle infantry until just seven years ago?
Disclaimer: I wouldn’t be hating on the CPD were they not historically riddled with corruption.
